My Name is Angela and I Can't Balance Our Family Budget

THERE, I said it.  I admit it.

I consider myself an intelligent person, perhaps even a little more intelligent than the average individual, at least the people I run into.  So I'm really not sure why I CANNOT for some unearthly reason keep our budget on track.  I mean I understand how it all works.  Money in = money out.  You track what you spend and stay within that limit.  Not rocket science, however, it just does not work that way for me.  It's not like I'm out there spending money on all sorts of things that we don't have budgeted.  I'm just not sure what's going on.

I know part of the problem is when you get behind on a bill, (for whatever reason), you play hell trying to catch up and that just makes the budgeting of what you have left nearly impossible.  Especially when your kids start school and it COSTS big money just to enroll your kids in High School.  I don't even want to think about college for our oldest next year.  (That kid better get a scholarship!!)  Then comes birthday season in our house, FIVE, count them, FIVE birthdays in one month!!  How do I tell my kids, "Sorry, but no presents this year, mama is an ass that can't handle money, therefore, you get NOTHING, but we love you anyway and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!   Then you have a husband that when he needs something for his truck, well, he gets it.  And since he's the main bread winner in the family, his truck is necessary to maintain and I guess $100 for transmission oil is necessary when it's necessary.

I am getting to be the QUEEN of finding a deal and I'm using coupons and matching them with sales more and more each week.  It's kind of fun to see how much I can knock off my total at the grocery store with coupons.  I'm not to the point where I can get a whole cartload of groceries for $25.00, but I'm pretty happy when I can deduct $25.00 in coupons.  I shop sales and clearance racks, even garage and estate sales for clothing for myself and the kids (my teenage daughters HATE that).  I'm really trying, I really am.
THEN WHY CAN'T THERE EVER BE ENOUGH MONEY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!l?!


So, this inability of mine is beginning to take it's toll on my relationship with my husband.  He's the kind of guy that basically married someone to take over where mommy left off and I was all too eager to fill those shoes.  Perhaps its a combination of me being such a control freak and him letting me take care of all the details of life and he comes and goes (to work) and is free to take care of the things he wants to.  I also think it's easier for him to have someone to blame when things don't go right.  He can always claim ignorance and be the victim.  It's a passive/aggressive thing and we both seem to really embrace it.

So the question here is How do we stop this?  Well, number one, we need to communicate more.  But when we do that, he chastises me like a child and I don't want to tell him anything and secrets are kept and you can imagine how things snowball from there.  I don't want to be yelled at like a child and I don't want to keep things from him, but I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  We've seen counsellors, but it's always my fault because I'm more passionate in the sessions than he is.  BULLSHIT!  These people don't know us and cannot know us because they don't live with us and they are only seeing what we present to them.

So anyway, there you go, my no one reading this followers.  My life is a mess and I continue to struggle to put it back together.  Whoever said Life is Fun?!   I think they were high on some kind of magical drug.   I'm not going through any fun right now, I'm not high on magical drugs either (but damn they do sound good right about now, but then that would create a whole other set of problems).  I do still hold out hope that at the end of this very long, very dark tunnel, the dawn will awaken and new sense of hope and love will shine!!!

Wish me luck!!